Is Die Hard Really A Christmas Movie?

IS DIE HARD REALLY A CHRISTMAS MOVIE?

Scholars and historians have debated for centuries this question:

“Is Die Hard a Christmas Movie?”

Or at least they have during the last three and a half decades since the movie was released. This is why readers have turned to me, your friendly neighborhood historian, to wrestle with this age-old question and help them resolve this dilemma.

In this article, I will assemble ancient history, linguistic legerdemain, modern science, political insight, and contemporary film criticism to address this crucial question.

The debate has raged amongst the tragically online and is perennially in full bloom during the Christmas season on Twitter/X. The participants typically fall into two camps: the “Duh!” and the “Nuh-uh.”

I divide this debate like this:

Die Hard: Camp Yippee-ki-yay

• Babylon Bee, the satire site (motto: “Fake News You Can Trust”), reports that “New Evidence Suggests Mary and Joseph Watched ‘Die Hard’ On First Christmas Night.” It seems that archeologists have discovered a small, wall-mounted television set and a VHS copy of the classic Christmas film near the likely site of Jesus’ birth. The Holy Family had an arduous trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem.
  

  “What better way to celebrate the holiday spirit on the very first Christmas than watching John McClane take out a bunch of terrorists?”

• A book came out several years ago: A Die Hard Christmas: The Illustrated Holiday Classic. I got a copy for Christmas. I was deeply moved.

• Four Christmas songs are included in Die Hard, count ’em, 4. That’s more Christmas songs than “It’s A Wonderful Life.” For extra credit, Die Hard features Beethoven’s Ode to Joy, plus Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto No. 3 in G Major. Not even “White Christmas” had classical music.

• On December 24, 2017, screenwriter Steven E. de Souza stated on Twitter/X that Die Hard is a Christmas film. If you can’t trust the screenwriter, who can you trust?

• In 2016, DISH Network reported that 1.3 million Americans watched “Die Hard” on Christmas Eve, beating “Home Alone,” “Miracle on 34th Street,” and “The Santa Clause.” These numbers don’t lie.

• In a Christmas interview, Prime Minister of New Zealand Jacinda Ardern asserted that Die Hard is a “really cheesy Christmas film.” And she’s the Prime Minister of a very lovely country that speaks a language similar to ours.

Die Hard: Camp No-ho-ho

• Die Hard was initially released on July 15, 1988, not exactly the Christmas season, the nay-sayers say. But is that a show-stopper? Let us examine Exhibit 1: “Miracle on 34th Street” was also released in July, and nobody denies that it’s a Christmas movie. And has nobody heard of “Christmas in July”?

• At his Comedy Central Roast, Bruce Willis declared,
  

  “Die Hard is not a Christmas movie! It is a… Bruce Willis movie!”

  But what else do you expect him to say? It was a Roast.

In My Humble Opinion

Let’s allow the facts to speak for themselves. The historical parallels are remarkable:

• John McClane, the protagonist, as we see at the beginning of the movie, flies in from the sky to save those in need. Jesus came from Heaven to save a world in need.

• John means “gracious gift of God” in Hebrew.
  

  Question: What is the time of the year when we most think about the gift of God?
  Answer: Christmas.

• Invaders from Europe come to the tiny hamlet of Nakatomi Plaza with automatic weapons. Over 2,000 years ago, the Romans arrived in tiny Israel from Europe with automatic swords.

• McClane says, while in a ventilator shaft,
  

  “Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs.”

  The ancient Israel of Jesus’ time is on the coast.

• This scene, filmed in the air ducts from the movie, is now a popular Christmas Tree ornament.

• Nakatomi, according to Wikipedia, was a priestly clan that oversaw certain important national rites and was one of many to claim descent from divine clan ancestors, who were “only a degree less sublime than the imperial ancestors.” Jesus, according to the New Testament, is our “High Priest.” Coincidence? I don’t think so.

• Hans Gruber, the villain, quotes,
  

  “And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.”

  It was because Alexander’s generals occupied Israel following the eastward conquest that the Nativity story in the New Testament is written in Greek. “The benefits of a classical education,” as Hans Gruber would say.

• Holly is the name of John McClane’s wife. She could have been named Molly or Polly, but no, she’s named after the quintessential Christmas plant.

• At one point, John McClane goes up to the highest point of the Nakatomi building and fires a machine gun into the sky to get attention. The Wise Men followed a bright star in the sky to find the Baby Jesus.

Die Hard: In Conclusion

On the 30th anniversary of the movie, 20th Century Fox — realizing that their blockbuster hit had been the subject of intense, heated, polarizing debate — decided to resolve this silly argument while taking advantage of the popular meme by releasing a special Die Hard – Christmas Edition 4K DVD in December 2018, including a re-cut trailer to present the film as a heartwarming Christmas story. They humbly call it “The Greatest Christmas Story.” This trended big on YouTube.

“Welcome to the party, pal!”

P.S. The film is based on a work by William Shakespeare, for crying out loud.

Bill Petro, your friendly neighborhood historian
billpetro.com

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